I am the second fiddle, fifth wheel, tagalong. I am never the first choice and second choice only when there is no other choice. I am step-mom/girlfriend, step-maybe, step-IguessifIhaveto.
I can't give comfort or wisdom or discipline or any of that, not even fun most days. I'm just along for the ride and tolerated, occasionally liked enough to be considered lukewarm loved.
I am #2 and I hate it that I hate it. I hate liking the weekends when it's just us as much or more than the weekends when it's all 4 of us. I hate that I'm not even allowed to compete for their affections. I'm just along for the ride and trying not to force myself upon anyone or any situation.
All this love has to go somewhere and it seems that holding my half broken heart together in the face of this reality is where it's best placed: I am only okay with this because I have to be okay with this.
